Healing Through Story

A Coaching Session With

Daniele Codere


This is an unedited transcript:


Welcome to a path of her own.

I’m Blue Russ. And I’m sitting down with women who are building success on their own terms, asking questions to get at the raw truth of the ups and downs of their journey. I hope that today’s interview sparked something within you.

Welcome, Hello, I am here with someone who may be familiar to you. If you have listened to previous podcasts.

I’m here with Daniele Coderre. And we had so much fun and giggled so much. And I definitely recommend if you want more of the two of us, you can go get more on the unicorn episode. I’ll link it in the show notes as well.

Yeah, so we’re back. It was a little different format today Daniele has agreed to, to be coached, and to let you listen in and gain something from her sharing vulnerably so thank you, Daniele. Welcome. Thank you so much blue. Thank you everyone for listening.

Glad to be here.

Yeah, beautiful. So we’re gonna we’re gonna just pretend there’s no audience.

And that we are just having sort of a usual dialogue in support of you and, and where you are. So

I happen to know that you just had a photo shoots. Yesterday.

I did. It it was, it felt a lot of fun. I recommend everybody to just get a photo shoot at least once in your life. Because it just really helps pull you out of your comfort zone. I mean, unless you’re really comfortable for the camera. I don’t know many people who are and it’s just really fun to play with the different parts of yourself and dress up and take pictures. A lot of fun. Yeah,

yeah, I think it for me, anytime I’ve gotten a photoshoot, it’s, it’s been nerve racking. Like, I’m really like, I want to do it right. I want to appear a certain way. And I think probably the best advice I ever got at a photoshoot was when you see the photos to choose three things that you like, first, before you start to pick yourself apart. Because we I think, especially as women identified humans, we tend to do that, like we’re really taught that, I think in our culture, too, that like, all of our flaws matter so much, you know, or that they’re even flaws at all. Yeah, yeah.

And it is, it’s like, you know, every time I get the file of all the pictures, I have to take a deep breath and put on my love goggles and really look at myself through a lens of love and see how the photographer is seeing me and, you know, this one’s gonna be an extra challenge because I wore things specifically to stretch me things that highlight my curves, aka, my belly and my footpod is like showing up big time and my thighs and things that I don’t usually show in the light. Well, that sounds a little extra, but like, you know, I I did do a little bit of extra outside of my comfort zone with this photoshoot. So the love goggles are going to have an extra prescription.

Yeah, yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful. I want to just before we dive into your specific experience around this, I also want to give a shout out to Natalie Miller, who runs one of my favorite podcasts to mind witchery there’s a little promo for you. She not on the podcast, as far as I know, but she had in another space was sharing about a photoshoot. She did and she was saying that people were asking her like, why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? And she I believe she was doing it for business. But she chose not to share that with people. She’s just like strangers, you know, or people just know that well. And she just decided to say well, because why not? I I’m 40 and I want pictures of that. Just like when I was two. I wanted pictures of that. Yeah. Wow. You Why do we have to have a reason?

I know a lot of people do ask that question. I’ve had to answer that about four times in the past couple of days. of just people like saying why? And yes for for my business, but I don’t even know if these pictures are gonna make sense for my business. So it just really is more of like, a milestone marker for me because I’ve been really working with self compassion and disability. And this photoshoot is really helping me to kick that off. And this coaching session, actually, I think is gonna help me kick it off.

Yeah, and is that primarily the reason for the photoshoot?

Yes, I’m also just happened to work out like it was good timing on all parts. But yeah, that that was the reason and it was certainly the reason why I picked the outfits I picked and the the, the inspiration was to highlight my sensuality, my womanhood in the past, all my photoshoot has been a little bit more silly, playful, Goofy. And so this time, I was trying to learn a little something different.

What, what does it mean for you to have your sensuality made visible, like that?

It’s really scary, to have my sensuality be more visible. I’ve always had a sensual energy. But I also sugarcoat that with a lot of humor and comedy, and I’m really funny person. But I go really deep. And I think, you know, I have my, my inner circle of people that I go deep, deeper with. And I think in particular, when it comes to my business, I’ve always had almost like a guard up to my deeper side. And it’s been mostly logical, and, you know, still just highlighting one of my core values, which is fun. But I had hadn’t really been aligning with that, more goofy, playful, even, like that logical, very intellectual side. And it kind of caused me to pause, like all accounts of promoting myself or being seen on social media, and sharing my stories, in general, because where I am in my life is, is it’s like almost like a very just deep, profound healing of my lineage, my just things that really are hitting me in my womanhood. And it didn’t, it didn’t feel right to kind of show up as that that older version. And so this is, this is me, kind of coming out in a way of as an essential human being. Mm hmm. Yeah.

So it sounds like you It’s so interesting, right? Business, just like running a business. Right? It is a serious most personal growth journey. Like big time, so, um, so it sounds like you had some some parts of yourself that you were hiding in your business. So there were like, authentically, you are hilarious. All right, typically, you are logical, right? You You do a lot of strategy. You’re free range unicorn. I hired you for strategy for my business. So certainly, those are true parts of yourself. But at the same time, there’s this other part that’s been in hiding that you’ve been protecting you said your guard comes up Yeah. In your in your business space around that part of yourself. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I definitely lead have led with strategy in the past and, and my my style of strategy is very intuitive, but I never highlight the intuitive side of of myself and I And that is the deeper side and that that part feels more vulnerable for some reason.

Yeah, when did Why do you think that is?

Um, you know, I definitely well, first of all, I’ve been totally mansplaining in the past around my intuitive hits, even though they were totally right, and nobody ever apologized. But anyway, and I think it’s more of like a intuition for me and my connection to divine and my spirituality is, has always been very personal. And I think I’ve even been really turned off by some, some other ways that other people might openly share their spirituality, because maybe they’re making it more strategic. And there’s something in there that doesn’t feel like it Alliance, right for me. And without trying to compare myself because that is another just pit of despair that we won’t, we don’t want to walk the ledge on. You know, I had to pay attention to like, what is turning me off about that? Because it was preventing me from doing my own version of it.

You Yeah. So it sounds like both the way in which you’ve been received when you share that part? Yeah. In in business worlds. And then also, some examples you see out there of me, if you like, it doesn’t actually feel authentic, I think is what I’m hearing you say, this guy’s like, intuitive spiritual uses, like, kind of a strategy to make money rather, or to or to convince people of something rather than it being truly.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. That that you summarize that really well.

Yeah, that is, that makes so much sense. Like, we definitely inhabit this business world that leans heavily on that logical. Yeah, sort of left brain? Masculine, if you will. Energy. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally. You know, it’s definitely it’s hard to sell, quote, unquote, sell people on the idea of trusting yourself and the universe, because sometimes it’s not proven to them that that can work. It’s a big trust fall. Yeah. Yeah.

And what what would it look like for you, authentically, if you were to share that part more in your business?

I think for me, I really love and just get so lit up by other people sharing their story. And I need to share my story, I need to like go into the deeper, darker places. And I’m open up about how hard healing is. Because I know that every you know, everybody’s going through it. And I think I’ve always you know, it really would be a big shift because I’ve always been a very optimistic brand. And person just in general, I think optimism has really helped me and pulled me out of a lot of dark places. And not to say I’ll be pessimistic about sharing things and the journey of healing but I would be sharing stories that could you know, that will that will definitely shine a light on like my upbringing and maybe even some close relationships that I have that I was, you know, maybe I’d still maybe am codependent in and you know, the process of kind of breaking out of that can shine a light on other people. And I think that that has always really stopped me cold in my tracks because I don’t, I don’t want to hurt anybody

like hurt anybody who might be in the story.

Right? Yeah. Or like, make them feel bad because I, you know, it’s one thing for me to acknowledge that I am not responsible for other people in their feelings and I, and I get that, but not everybody knows that they’re not responsible for the way I took something. So, uh, some, like, I can imagine that some people would maybe misconstrue or, or, you know, paint themselves as, think that I’m painting him as a villain or, or just take that on in some way. And I that’s not my intention. I don’t want to do that at all. I don’t like confrontation or making people feel bad. And I know, I’m not responsible for the way that I do. I’m very sensitive to that. Hmm.

So it’s interesting that you said story, as you know, this month on this podcast is all about story. So this could be an opportunity to to share a story. And, and you know, with what you just said, preface it with compassion with the story is your story. And there are actually no villains in your story. So if that’s helpful at all, to have that articulated before you share it. I wonder if there is a story that feels like it would like to be

shared thing blew me on the spot.

I will say to our listeners, so here’s an agreement that any of these coaching sessions have is any person on this has a right to not let it be aired? So there is always that like, you know, oh, I didn’t know we were gonna go there. I don’t actually want that aired, is always available to you. And obviously, there’s nothing you have to share here. It’s an opportunity, not a requirement. Yeah.

Yeah, um, you know, some of the things that I have been really, in the trenches looking at soon, you know, right before 2022 started and ended 2022 has been all around the relationship that I have with my mother, and how so much of her fears and insecurities and just in general, her, you know, her story and her path has been super codependent. And I’m troubled. And he recently came to stay with me and it really brought up so much inner child wound stuff for me. And that brought out a cycle of binge eating. Also the the polar opposite of like, over exercising under eating a lot of stuff with food in general. And at the end, also, depression, visibility and stuff like that. There have been some moments in the past few months that I you know, I haven’t felt like myself. And then I question like, or is that me? Is there a strong woman who can you know, alchemize her rage and anger into something really powerful and transformative for other women who have unintentionally have absorbed their mother’s, you know, junk? You know, is is there a part of the compassion that I felt for my inner child, kind of reliving trauma that can be so healing for somebody else who might not even really realize that that’s happening for them. And, you know, I know, we’re trying to keep this to about 30 minutes. So without going into super specifics here, you know, that is really alive right now. And part of the the resistance is that, you know, she, here, she’s still alive, she’s still actually living in my house and is not off is not ready to have true conversations about it, in fact, has even said, you can’t hold me responsible for who I was back then. Because that’s not me. So, you know, my inner child hearing that was was it was, it was really hurtful and but it made me so conscious that she doesn’t want to, to kind of, like visit that in it in a way that would feel productive, or even considerate or compassionate towards my version of what life was like. So, I think, I think that bulk can trickle out into so many stories, you know, there’s so much awareness that that has come pouring through. And it’s been really wonderful, in so many ways for me to go through that now. And let go of baggage that I wasn’t even aware that I was carrying, I think, you know, I did a really good job at avoiding and removing myself from

from some of the situations with her that I had forgotten that, that certain things I was holding on to like even a fear of thunderstorms I didn’t know where that had come up and kind of came up later in life. And I like living with her I was I was able to recognize how she is in those in those situations. And, and I forgot and she reminded me that when I was a baby, I would calm her down and I would calm the plane down when we were in the storm or turbulence and by singing and dancing and being the funny one for everybody to kind of pay attention to and, and I think that in itself is something that you know, I want to I want to share for people because it’s helped me so much and I’m ready to let go of my goofball a little bit because the goofball was here to try to take away the pain for other people by masking my own and I’m I want to like take the mask off and to show people how to feel their feelings to in a way that might be helpful which is very different than the business that I’ve kind of been in the past Yeah, so this

humor as protection

as one of the ways of protection

and certainly, I also hear and what you share this like you you coming last or coming after others so whether that’s shows up as over exercising binge eating, making jokes, right when the come from is to tend to others first. So whatever’s happening over here with me my body my emotions doesn’t secondary. Is that accurate?

Oh, for sure. So accurate. I’ve always put other people ahead of myself and Since 2022 started I’ve been putting myself first and it has felt wild

Yeah, yeah what? So tying back to the photoshoot What was that like then to put yourself first to really show

who you really are um you know there were parts of it which is funny because the photographer is really good friend of mine and you know we do have a silly relationship and so trying to show my essential side or like kind of get serious and some of the pictures was hard because we were giggling so much but even just the preparation of getting ready for the actual photo shoot was transformative in itself like the outfits I chose you know were more curve hugging and hot colors and different than than anything else showing you know parts that I don’t normally show we’ve been like took some pictures with just like black background black you know outfits just an I don’t think I’ve ever even worn black in any of my photo sheets that we’ve been just like rainbow themed which is I love still rainbows will always be my number one favorite color and but in the process of kind of like picking out like my Pinterest board with all of my like the pictures that really like evoke emotion in me that you know that are focusing on my eyes and and not like the twirl in my dress and that was just a really wonderful process of helping you know the the adult version of me come out of how I you know want to be seen and received in the world and just comfortable in my in my own skin as it is right now like I wanted to cancel the photoshoot because I was feeling like I’m a little more bloated than usual I don’t have the right shape where I don’t you know things these things are going to come through in the pictures and and I didn’t you know I had my makeup artist can come I did my own and like all these things like were like Don’t you want to cancel Don’t you want to cancel and you know I didn’t and I really did put myself first in the situation because i i almost like knew if I If not now When not who mean right like one of those things yeah

yeah I was just

wondering what do you imagine that that like that determination that like yeah, I’m doing this I’m showing myself what does that do for your little one? Huh?

Little One is such a ham. To be seen. Like I used to literally walk around the I think it was like this Chinese food restaurant and I would go sing Jingle Bells to every table like wow. And I would get $10 bills and cookies and it was amazing. Um, so my little one is is feeling just just so happy so proud to be seen and is like amazed at how independent it feels to show up and and not have somebody else dress you or just the brand define you and just really pick what you want. I think my little one is definitely again always putting others in front and and always taking the scraps Have you know that was definitely a big theme for me and I think even my what what’s even cooler thinking about it in this way is what my inner teenager would say. Because I think she had so many you know body specific trouble and you know have a boy late in elementary school tell me that my five looks like tree trunks and I didn’t I stopped wearing shorts at the age of nine I never like and I dealt with just the heat of that literally. And you know, picking out a dress that shows my thighs you know getting in a pool even and like letting the fabric hug my body you know was for my inner teenager I think very healing in a lot of ways because I had so much shame around body image at that time. You know, when everybody was supposed to look like Paris Hilton, and I was not looking that way Yeah, yeah. Hold the Think about Thank you.

Yeah yeah, so making your own choices wearing what you want to wear. Loving your body even when it’s not Paris Hilton’s body

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, showing up with my tree trunks and saying trees are cool. I know. Like, I’m glad I looked like three trout lakes.

Absolutely, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Showing off the stretch marks that were another sore spot for my my younger teenager who had like, the embarrassing moment where your uncle tells you that your stretch marks are because you’re overweight and and then again, trying to hide your arms and anything that has any kind of skin imperfection. And I let them all out yesterday. And all their stretchy goddess goodness. She has

how does that how does that feel right now? On the other side of wearing those things. You know, right now,

it feels good. I haven’t seen any pictures yet. And so again, you know, those love goggles are gonna, you know, come in handy for the day that I get them back. But in this moment, I feel really proud. And I feel like I looked sexy yesterday and I’m owning that. I felt sexy yesterday, too.

I love that out. All I can think is that like that evolution right from going from? Oh, I my my legs are like trunk, so I have to hide them, too. Oh, my legs are strong. And sexy. Yeah, perhaps trunk like in the best way. And they will crush you. So don’t mess with me. Yeah, talk about a whole new story.

It is a whole new story and you know, feels really powerful to see myself in that way cuz so much shame has been carried for so long around my body and so while you know, a huge portion of hiding out in my business is you know, partly for the stories that I tell and maybe the impact that will have on other people. I think I may have also been hiding the fact that you know there’s a part of me that is in insecure, you know, and if I don’t look like a certain way that’s not that’s not I’m going to be appealing to other people. And you know, in this moment, I’m not thinking about them at all. And I’m feeling really embodied in my femininity, which was the this, which was my goal. Yesterday.

Mm hmm. Beautiful. What are some things that help you be in a state? There are many things that are not helpful. Yeah. Yeah, it’s important this date, let’s be real. So what are some of the things

I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is so funny, because why we’re here but sharing my stories helped me feel embodied. And they helped me to feel more empowered about who I am, and, and where I’ve gotten to with all that I’ve carried. So like, the more we’re talking today, the more embodied I feel about how powerful I am. So that is, like, okay, I guess we can leave now. We figured it out. So that is a big one. And I also do really enjoy, like adorning myself, like, you know, being intentional about you know, even if it’s just like, I don’t have pierced ears, so I have to find cool clip ons. Anybody with cool clip funds, please send them my way. Because so hard. But you know, I have a stash of clip on earrings that even like, are just like within reach if I want to put on just a little bit of something. It helps. Because when I adored myself, I do feel like I’m taking care of me. And I’m putting me first. You know, there are times when I’m like rushing too much to like, like I don’t have time to, you know, put on makeup or do my hair, I gotta just, you know, get out. And again, that’s like that is not me, giving myself the time that I deserve in the space that I deserve. While while I don’t think it’s important to wear makeup every day, I feel good when I when I like put in some effort doesn’t have to be makeup, it could just be what I’m wearing or anything. So adorning myself is another another thing that helps me with that.

Yeah, I love it. And this is audio so you don’t can’t see our earrings that were both hopes some big hopes. I’m wearing some beautiful hoops with them. Butterflies and beads on them.

They’re so nice. I commented on them before we started recording. They’re beautiful.

Yeah, I have this. We share this self care Yeah, thing which is good things like that. Yeah. Me I’m like okay, I’m, I am tending to myself when I have remember to wear earrings.

Yes. And I call it big hoop energy. Because like Ain’t nobody messing with me when I’m wearing my big hoops. And I’m from New York so like you know we would we would get on trains and you would see these women who you could not even mess with and they got their their headphones in they got their big hoops on and like that is who I like want it to be growing up and so it’s that big hoop energy. Like y’all can’t get in my lane.

Yeah, yeah. So if I could with my coach brain parse out like three things I really heard you say and and say them both for your sake, my sake. And anyone listening case you want to take this on is yeah, the is sharing your story. And, like genuinely sharing your story, right? Not the story you think people want to hear or the way they want it to be heard, like, the way they want to hear it. So it’s it’s about really sharing the story in in a way that helps you Right? Like you might tell the same stories differently next week. It’s like in this moment, that is that is authentically the story to tell. Yeah, and I think part of that too. So it’s like a one a could be a I’m to share it with someone or a group of someone’s who can hear it for what it is. So your thank you so much for sharing it with me. With my listeners, if you get the okay on this and know that I’m, I’m here to witness to hold space that I care about you that I love you that it’s I don’t need to fix your story. Your story can be helpful to me. But it’s not actually about me. Like, I don’t need to make it like, make it about because How ironic would that be? Or like, I’m putting myself first and I’m like, oh, that’s about me, actually. And yeah, there are definitely pieces I can take right from my own journey. So that that witnessing that holding space that making it about you, actually helps me to. So I hear that. And then I also hear the the adorning yourself, so I call it like tending to myself, like what am I? What am I doing to like, make myself special? For my own life? You know? Right. So whatever that is, it could be an elaborate routine, it could be something very simple. Especially if you’re not used to doing that simple. It’s good. To do consistently

put bonds on and call it a day.

Yeah, maybe it’s paint your toenails. Maybe it’s um, maybe it’s bathing. Yeah, anything like that. So that tending to yourself. And then the last thing you didn’t overtly say, but I heard in the story about being in New York, is to draw on other people’s energy when you don’t have it yourself yet. So where are those examples? Where are women showing legs that look like yours?

Yes, oh my gosh, that’s such a big one. Like, Are You Psychic? Because yeah, that’s like, part of me getting comfortable with my body, I started to follow a lot of plus size women with similar body types to mine who just like, just show it all. And I even did that myself on my tic toc channel. Check it out. I’ve put on a bathing suit for people and it’s like, has 1000s of views or whatever. So I, yeah, you are such a master because I didn’t even say that and you picked up on it. But that is a huge thing that that I do and and pull from when I can’t do it for myself. So good.

Well, thank you for sharing and being that example for anyone who’s listening where where it lands, it’ll land right where it needs to. I have no doubt. Thank you. Anything else that wants to be said? I think

I’m just that you’re like the best coach ever.

Thank you.

So amazing. And, you know, I was I was in like a funky purgatory of like, feeling a little insecure about everything that happened yesterday. And the more we talked about it, like the more embodied and awesome I feel about yesterday. And it just, it’s just so powerful how sometimes we can like live in our thoughts so deeply and let that take us on this like gloom like a gloomier path than it needs to be. And, you know, shame really can fester in a closet. But like, the more we can shine a light on it with other people like that just really starts to transform into something so beautiful. That can be a beacon of light for yourself and for other people. So cool. Blue. I needed that. I needed that like thought purge and hash so good. Thank you.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank you for the power of sharing our stories. That’s real.

Yeah, I think I’ll let your listeners listen to this. Wonderful,

thank you. Yeah. And definitely, you know, if you’re listening, reach out, let us know what you got from this, what’s helpful to you in the space that you’re in? We’d love to know. And again, another opportunity to share a story. We’d love to hear it. Thanks, Danielle.

Thank you blue.

Oh, I should mention that you can go to a path of her own.com and find show notes links things we’ve been talking about. Thanks for listening to a path of her own today. I’d love to connect. To be in the loop on upcoming events, tips and inspiration, please visit www dot blue russ.com And subscribe to my mailing list.