What Do You Want?

a solo episode with Blue Russ


This is an unedited transcript:


Welcome to a path of her own. I’m blue Russ, and I’m sitting down with women who are building success on their own terms, asking questions to get at the raw truth of the ups and downs of their journey. I hope that today’s interview sparked something within you.

Hello, I’m back. Welcome to a new season of a path of her own. And such beautiful timing. We’re getting into spring here, coming into some full moon time. And all the energy just feels like it’s propelling me forward. And I’m so delighted to come back with some amazing guests, and some very special updates. So before we get into today’s topic, I just want to give you an overview of a couple of changes around here. First of all, if you’ve been listening before, you know that I do interview women who are creating success on their own terms, and I will definitely continue doing that. But I’m going to focus and I want to have a little more discussion around each topic. So I’m going to record a solo episode, just like I am right now, since the first one of these, you know, I’ve been recording some solo ones, sprinkling them through through winter time. And if you’re fascinated about moon cycles and some other things about the season of winter, I encourage you to go back and listen to those things. At any time, it doesn’t have to be winter. But anytime you’re kind of feeling low energy that might be useful. So anyway, all that to say, once a month, I’m going to just pop in with my thoughts and input and some activities around the topic that’s relevant to whoever I’m interviewing that month. And then there’ll be the interview. And as usual of the bonus episode, we get a little more of a discussion or go a little deeper on something for a shorter podcast. And then the final week, each month will be something brand new. And I would love to hear your feedback on this, especially, which is I’m going to bring a courageous client on to record themselves being coached by me. And I’m doing this for a couple of reasons. One, because I am a coach, and have been doing this for a decade now, which I’m celebrating this year, 10 years in, in coaching practice. And I just know the power of this modality. I also know how impactful it can be to hear another person be coached. And if you haven’t had that experience, it might sound a little strange. But I promise you there is something about letting your mind rest and hearing someone else share. It kind of takes the pressure off, it allows you to open up in a way that can be difficult when you’re kind of in the hot seat. So I can’t wait to hear what you think about that new element here. And then what’s really fun about this, as you know, I love working with the moon cycle and the rhythm of that. And so this will also reflect the four main phases of the moon. And in the same way we’ll have the four different kinds of podcasts each month, different style, different feel, but all around the main topic. So this month, this first month of this new season, our topic is desire. Hmm, I’m just so curious what comes up for you when you hear that word. I know for me, it’s a it’s, it used to really bring up a whole mix of things. And, and it sort of brings up a different mix of things these days.

Let’s start with some definitions. I went to the Internet and I found some really fascinating things. Okay, so there’s there’s like the usual things you might expect, like desire being a noun and also verb, which is kind of cool. And it’s this strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. And then, as I gotten more into it. And this is thanks to Wikipedia, which is always, you know, everyone’s contributing more thorough definitions of things. And this really stood out to me. And so I’m not going to read the whole Wikipedia thing, you can check it out if you’re interested. But that desires, and I’m just going to read this one part, they aim to change the world by representing how the world should be. Hmm, I’m gonna say that one more time, desires aim to change the world by representing how the world should be.

Hmm. pretty potent, pretty powerful. And isn’t it interesting? That desire is kind of a taboo topic. Right? It is, especially when it’s sexual desire, let’s just say name that. But really, it’s all connected, right? So our, our desire to have something or wish for something to happen, right? This this desire is powerful. It’s confronting. And we currently have a society that puts some shame around this. And I think especially for women, or, you know, the more we’re feminine, then desire, it becomes additionally taboo. I think there, there’s a couple of reasons for that. There’s probably many, but a couple come to my mind right now. One is, of course, as a society, wanting there’s a desire of an you know, it’s funny these the word desire in this context, but there is a desire of people who have power and privilege to hold on to it. And so it’s, it really shakes that up to have all the people with their visions of the world free to express those visions. Right, that’s going to change things. So for people who are really invested in things not changing, it’s very confronting. So I think it’s no accident, that desire itself is pretty taboo, especially for marginalized populations.

Another thing that I think is more like a personal thing that I know I took in in the past, and so bubbles up time to time, but is this idea that we cannot want to thing unless we know we can get it. So this is kind of a sticky widget set where if we can’t want things, unless we know we can have them.

And there are real limits, there are also limits we placed within ourselves. But they’re also like, actual, societal and practical limits in life, then we really hold back, that can really have a soul back that can really have us disconnect.

In order to feel safe,

I think there’s a lot of disconnect from desire. I think about little kids, right? toddlers who they don’t have so many of these layers yet around their desires. And so they’re just really willing to speak what they want, even though they have no idea how to get the thing.

They have no sense of like, Is this realistic? Is this Can this happen in any sort of reasonable timeframe like that? They’re not even really aware of timeframes yet. And just that, that liberation to express desire, and often what they desire, they don’t get to have, right either because it’s it’s actually like, physically impossible, or you know, they’re just not able to to engage a thing or it would take too long or something, whatever the reasons, right, a lot of what they express they want they don’t actually get to have and certainly they may have emotion around that. But they just feel that emotion and then they move on to the next desire. Right? And really like young, younger toddlers, you can even just like distract them. And they can switch in a moment from wanting a thing to then being happy with a different thing. So there isn’t this, like deep attachments to everything that’s desired happening. Right? It’s like, just expressing desire, because that’s what you do. Because why wouldn’t you?

And this is something I’m working on too. But just to notice where my holding back, even expressing what I want, even to myself, right, where am I pretending I don’t want a thing when I actually do.

And this is, this happens all the time. To be probably to you, to so many people, I know.

We might even express it, but in a way where we’re already discounting it, right? Oh, I wish I could. Oh, if only right. It’s like already a defeated desire. Sometimes we express it, but we have no belief around it, or there’s no like, we’re not actually giving ourselves permission to experience that desire for the thing, or the event.

Right. So what I’d like to do is, play a little game with you. And this is, this is a little experiment, we’re gonna do you me. Because although I have played and lead this game many, many times. And if you have been at events with me, or worked with me, you’ve probably played this game with me. And you’re probably chuckling already. But I have never offered this game up in the context of a podcast or a situation where I’m recording it. And I have no idea what’s happening for you in this. So like I said, I’ve done this many times. So I have a feeling about what may happen if you actually accept and take this game on. And it’s okay, if you don’t, if you don’t want to play this game, or if you want to pause and play it later. It just is going only going to take a few minutes. And ideally, you’re writing things down during this. If you don’t have anything to write on, if you’re out for a walk or a drive. And it’s not feasible to do that. That’s okay. You can just think the things in your mind. But I would encourage you to write them down as soon as you can. And it might be that you don’t remember all of them. That’s okay. There’s no perfection in this game. In fact, let’s go over a couple of ground rules before we dive in. The first ground rule is there is no how allowed in this game. This is not about the logistics of getting what you want. This is about flexing your desire muscle. And what I mean by that is the part of you that withholds what you want in any area of your life. We’re going to give that part some some space to express exercise.

All right, and there’s no story.

You don’t have to justify anything that you say or write down. Or think in response if you’re doing this silently in your mind. Okay, agreed. Okay, great. I’m going to assume you agree. And we’ll move forward. Okay. So I do keep chuckling because it’s really good to bring a little bit of playful energy into this game. And also, right, just before we begin this game, too, I want to say give you just a couple of examples of how profound this game has been. Even though it’s very simple, very simple, anyone can play. I think my favorite time I ever played this game was with members of my family. My cousins specifically and my two My cousin, my one cousin, I was gonna say two cousins, because they’re one of them married into the family. And I feel like he’s my cousin. Definitely. So anyway, my cousins were had just been married recently, and we are playing this game during the visit. And bless them, they’re out there is up for like my wacky things I want to talk about and do. And so we’re playing this game. And it, we’re just sharing things that we want. So you’ll see how this goes, you’re just going to be listing out things that you want, which can be really difficult, but there’s something that happens. And then like midstream, you might notice this to where you start to really get at the things that you are really, truly your heart’s desire. And maybe things that you haven’t said out loud yet. So we’re playing this game. And separately, both of my cousins who have just gotten married, it came down to, you know, we’re talking about all the things that would add love a mansion by the beach, I’d love, you know, breakfast and bed every morning or something, you know, just like whatever the the kind of fantastic things that you might,

you know, expect that people would say, and then that, as we’re going drilling down, like what else what else, but else, both of them separately, said that they want to have a baby. And,

like I said, there’s no how in this, there’s no story, you don’t have to justify it, you don’t have to put a timeline on it, there’s no like, in fact, none of that is helpful in this game. And so and then we all just started tearing up, it was so beautiful. It was just a conversation they hadn’t had yet. And then, of course, they had many more conversations after this. So logistics can come later. And I am so excited to have two kids now. And I just adore these kids so much. And I often think about this game and this desire from which they were quite literally birthed. It’s beautiful. So your desire doesn’t have to be a child. Certainly, it doesn’t have to be that big or serious. And for me, it is usually my core desires are more around my kids as well. It definitely doesn’t have to be that. There have been times when I have wanted things, and I have no idea how they’re going to happen. And I actually never get around to logistics, but then they just show up. This has happened with mentors in my life, I’ve wished for the right next mentor, I’ve wished for trips, I’d want to visit places and then opportunities would arise. So this isn’t like you say a thing. And and then you have to work hard to make it happen. So let’s just set that aside.

And just play.

Alright, so let’s do this. I’m just going to ask you, very simple but maybe difficult to answer. And that’s okay. Question, which is, what do you want.

And then

you’re going to write down, think to yourself, or say aloud what it is that you want. And again, whatever comes into your mind first no story, no justification, no how to get it. It doesn’t even have to be possible. So channel your inner toddler in this moment, and just like you could wish for the moon. And that’s welcome in this game. Alright. And then each desire each time I asked you, what do you want, it needs to be a different desire. So we’re not going to keep elaborating on the same one, we’re just going to move on to something else, whatever next pops into your mind. as we’re going along. If you find that you need more time that nothing is coming up in your mind, then you can always pause. Give yourself some more time to think about your next answer. And then we’ll and then continue on when you’re ready. Alright, let’s do this. And I really invite you like, really do this. And again, if this is not the moment, then schedule a moment and come back and do this. Okay, great. So, without further ado, what do you want


Wonderful. You can have that Take a moment to breathe that in when I say that and I’ve done this with enough people and had people do this for each other that

I mean it.

And if you were to say it to me, you would mean it. So just breathe that in for a moment each time. Okay, what else do you want?

Mm hmm. You can have that too. What else do you want you can have that. What else do you want? Beautiful, you

can have that too. What else do you want?

You can have that. What else do you want? You can have that. What else do you want? We can have that. What else do you want? Huh,

you can have that too.

What else do you want? You can have that?

Why? No, there’s more. What else do you want?

Yes, you can have that.

Alright, one more time. What else do you want?

Beautiful. You can have that too.

Right? And if you want to keep going, you have the opportunity to rewind, is that the or do we still use that? This recording and and go through this a few more times, I would encourage you to do that. If you’re feeling like I’m just getting started. And just opening the floodgates awesome. Keep going. And just take a breath, take it in and receive for yourself the possibility that you can have everything that you just expressed.

Just notice how that feels. Does it feel expansive? Does

it feel scary? Does it feel wonderful? Does it feel like Oh, of course. Yeah. Now that you mention it, of course.

Just notice. Wonderful.

All right. Well, thank you so much for playing this game with me. I would really love to hear from you how it’s how it went. Like I said, this is a this is a grand experiment to put this on a podcast. So please do let me know you can email me at connect at Blue rest comm you can find me on the social media spaces. I think I’m pretty much the only blue Russ in those spaces. And you can also find me through a path of her own.com. That’s also where you can find show notes, all the podcasts, recordings and details about each of my guests, their photos, that

kind of thing. So glad to be back with

you here and to kick things off with desire. Next week. I will be interviewing Yana Walker who is the founder of desiring me. So we’re going to go a lot deeper and talk a lot about sensuality, sexuality, and the power that lies within women really embracing their own desires putting themselves at the center of pleasure. It’s going to be juicy so I will see you there. And

yeah, one last thing

that’s just popping into my mind. So I would love to invite you to go on a little scavenger hunt between now and next week’s podcast to see where you can notice what you want. And maybe even where you can start to ask for what you want. Maybe you’re someone who already asks, but just notice like, Is there even more opportunity to ask?

The answer might be no. And it might be yes. All right, so

that’s your invitation. And I’d also love to hear about that. Again, you can find me and show notes, etc, on a path of her own calm. Thank you so much for being here for listening, and for wanting the world to be better. Thanks for listening to a path of her own today. I’d love to connect. To be in the loop on upcoming events, tips and inspiration, please visit www dot blue russ.com And subscribe to my mailing list.